I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
