There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God, I missed his penis.
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