I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
