keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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