my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
