porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
