Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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