ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
