I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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