so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
