ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
