im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My cat gives me a boner
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
