I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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