And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this will be a night to untag.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
