my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
