My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
