Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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