420 ftw
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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