so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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