Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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