I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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