Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
