No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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