Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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