I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
