I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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