??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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