Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
