I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Randomize
