i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
