I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize