PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
sarcasm needs its own font
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
