I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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