You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
