Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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