I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We're too hungover to prance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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