I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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