I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
