i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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