Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
