I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
