I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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