So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
