So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Text me some of your sweat
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