I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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