I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
