I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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