i just wanna soil my oats bro
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
