Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
