Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
