the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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