I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
