everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
