he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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