so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
