It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
