We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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