sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
