she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
