I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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