butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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