all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
