i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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