Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
